Veteran found in crying position
In what can only be described as a tabletop travesty, local board game veteran and self-proclaimed “Master Strategist” Hugh Briss was utterly annihilated during a game of Terraforming Mars by first-time player, Ima Unsher. The defeat has sent shockwaves through the local board gaming community and prompted experts to reexamine the mysterious phenomenon known as Beginner’s Luck.
“How is this possible?” Briss lamented, still clutching a stack of unused project cards. “I’ve played this game 127 times. She kept calling the oceans ‘blue hexagons,’ but somehow managed to score 87 points in milestones alone. Milestones!”
According to eyewitnesses, Unsher began the game by mistakenly placing her first tile on someone else’s board. Despite this shaky start, she unleashed an unstoppable cascade of events leading straight to her victory.
Fellow players described the scene as “equal parts awe-inspiring and soul-crushing.” By the mid-game, Unsher’s playstyle, a chaotic blend of instinct and apparent misunderstanding, had begun to defy all conventional strategies.
Experts have since weighed in on the debacle, with some positing that Beginner’s Luck is a cosmic force designed to humble veteran gamers. Briss, however, remains unconvinced. “Beginner’s Luck? No, this was sabotage. She drew those Jovian cards on purpose just to mock me.”
Unsher, who now plans to “try that castle game with the angry farmers”, has been hailed as a rising star in the local gaming scene. Her victory has sparked a wave of imitators, with new players declaring their allegiance to “Team Blue Hex.”
As for Briss, he’s vowed to regain his honor in the rematch. “I’ve already memorized the card distribution,” he declared, “and I’ll be drafting with precision this time.”
Unsher, when asked about the challenge, responded with a cheerful shrug. “I don’t really care who wins. I just like putting the little forests together. They’re so cute.”